Breaking Up is Hard to Do

Last week I talked about moving in with a partner and this week I want to take things in the opposite direction. Break ups are rough. No matter your age, how long you have been with someone, or whether you are the dumped or the dumpee, ending a relationship is an emotional rollercoaster. I often compare the end of a relationship to a death, essentially you are grieving the death of a relationship. In some ways it can be harder because you know the other person is still around, but no longer a part of your life.

Sometimes for the person who decides to end the relationship, the breakup can be a little bit easier. They have had time to mentally prepare for the breakup and they may have mentally checked out months (or even years) prior to actually ending the relationships. It often takes the other person a little bit longer to recover because many times they are blindsided. Even with couples who know they are not good for each other, ending the relationship can still be extremely difficult because we often get accustomed to the drama. Humans are creatures of habit and even if something in harmful to us, if it is all we know, we will strive to maintain that environment. I call this comfortable chaos.

Listen to your gut. Nobody likes hurting someone else, but if you aren’t feeling the relationship or aren’t invested in it, you have to be fair both to yourself and the other person. So many people look for the huge red flag to end a relationship, but sometimes it isn’t there (sometimes it is and people still fail to act). Just because two people are awesome alone doesn’t mean they make an awesome couple and that is okay.

If your relationship has recently ended or you are thinking of ending your relationship, make sure you are looking after yourself and surrounding yourself with good people. Take the time to talk about it, grieve, and pamper yourself. There is no set time frame for breakup recovery, everyone is different. Make sure you are actually dealing with it though and not just sweeping it under the rug. If you don’t actually process the breakup it will likely come back to bite you in the butt in your next relationship. The sooner you can move on and recover from a breakup, the sooner you can get out there and find someone who is a good match for you.

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